“Mezcal, neat, please,” said Kelly as she sat down at the Coco-themed bar. She’d been ready for a drink for the last hour of post-dinner work. As a handler, she couldn’t just leave once the dinner show was over. Instead, she had to help Ella put her costume away, make sure everything was neat and tidy in the backroom, and prep materials for tomorrow’s performances as well. The work itself was one thing, but doing it all with Ella still talking to her put Kelly in the mood for a strong, fast-acting beverage of relaxation.

The neatly groomed, elderly bartender nodded with understanding and stepped away briefly to grab a bottle. He poured it with full theatrical arm movements into a simple glass that he’d just placed in front of Kelly. He stopped after a normal pour and glanced at her. The bartender read her face and then did another full pour before sliding it over to her. 

“Here you are, one neat pour, my dear,” he said with a subtle wink. The bartender started to step away, but then another person raised their arm a couple of seats away.

“I think I’d like one of those too,” he said. 

Kelly looked over and noticed that it was Jason. He looked at her as the bartender pulled out a new glass and started pouring for him, too. She took a sip of hers and let it mellow in her mouth for a moment before moving the pleasant burn to her throat. Did she want to truly relax or let this bumbling photographer keep bothering her? Bothering wasn’t the right word, she thought. She sorta-kinda enjoyed-

“Mind if I take that seat?” asked Jason as he motioned towards the bar stool next to Kelly.

“Yeah, certainly,” she responded.

Jason sat down and held his glass up to Kelly. They dinged both together, and each took a sip. Jason’s eyes widened a bit as he had a minor lurch.

“Wow, I didn’t know it’d be smoky,” he said.

“Ha, I guess I just assumed you were the kind of person who’d be into nice liquor,” responded Kelly.

“Yeah, I mean, I am to some extent. But I’ve never really had much of anything from Mexico. This tastes really good, I was just a bit surprised.”

“What kind of liquor is your mainstay then?”

“Oh, you know,” replied Jason, “whiskeys, gin, Malört if I’m feeling like suffering.”

“What the hell is a Malört?” asked Kelly.

“Ha, weird thing from Chicago. It tastes like a sweaty sock wrapped over molded wood.”

“And… you choose to consume it?”

“Hell yeah, bro!” said Jason in a sarcastic frat boy tone. Kelly’s eyebrows displayed her confusion.

“Guys are so strange,” she said. 

“Agreed,” replied Jason before a mild pause. “So, how’d the dinner show go for you? Everything seemed good from my view.”

“Oh, I’ll bet she did look good to you,” said Kelly sarcastically.

“Whoa, that’s not what I-”

“Ha, I know, I’m just giving you shit.”

“You do seem to like to paint a picture of men as all being horny dumb dumbs,” said Jason as he cocked his head slightly.

“Am I wrong?”

“I mean, no… but also, yes.”

“You’d make a good politician with that kind of vagueness,” smirked Kelly.

“Look, I’m not going to pretend that I don’t feel, uh, interested in a woman wearing a bikini at the pool. But why is that feeling so often demonized?”

“Because a lot of men don’t do a good job of hiding it.”

“Ahh, so as a man I’m supposed to bury my emotions then?”

“That’s not what I meant. You just don’t need to oogle random women you don’t know so obviously. You might get annoyed with a fast food cashier, but that doesn’t mean you have to go full Karen on them for every mistake. So like, yeah, maybe some emotions are good to bury sometimes.”

Jason stopped for a bit to contemplate that one before responding, “There should be a name like ‘Karen' for men who display their open horniness in public. What do you think? Derek? Oh, no, Chad, I think.”

“Probably Jason.”

“Ha ha,” said Jason in a monotone.

“I think we just call those people Alpha Males.”

“Yeah, I guess so. It just doesn’t have the same ring to it.”

“Well, don’t worry, Jason, I don’t see you as an Alpha Male.”

“Thanks, I guess? I don’t really see you as a Karen.”

“Not even close. If anything, I let too many people walk all over me. I mean, you’ve met Ella.”

“She doesn’t seem so bad.”

“Says every straight guy ever. I guess it doesn’t help that you haven’t seen her in the dressing room and dealt with her… intensity.”

“Intensity in the dressing room, you say?” asked Jason with a look of intrigue on his face.

“Oh my god, you are a Chad!” exclaimed Kelly as she rolled her eyes.

“I’m kidding! Seriously, though, how does Ella become a Karen around you?”

“I just don’t think I’ve had a day of work with her where I didn’t do something wrong. She just finds and emphasizes a minor inconvenience as though I’m going to ruin the whole event. One button falls off a dress, and suddenly it’ll be noticed by some fan in the 10th row and posted online. At least, that’s how she sees it. But, even if that was true, screw that kind of fan, right? Nitpicking a loose thread as though it ruined their whole cruise? Let it go.”

Jason stared at Kelly with as much focus as he could muster. Finally, he let out a brief laugh. Kelly’s energy dropped suddenly, and she picked up her glass before starting to get up.

“Wow, I thought you were-”

“No, no, no. I’m sorry. I am. But did you not just hear what you said?”

“What?”

Jason started singing badly, “Let it go, let it goooo!”

Kelly suddenly realized and smirked while shaking her head. She sat back down.

“Seriously, that does sound rough,” said Jason, “Are you just wanting to stay a handler or become a character at some point?”

“Nobody wants to just be a handler. It’s just a stepping stone towards being a character. Then you can graduate from cruise character to theme park character. Or maybe start your own stream to show off your costumes. But honestly, those often just end up turning into OnlyFans things, and I’m not in that much debt… yet.”

“Well, obviously, I’m not in the room when she calls out the minor mistakes, but maybe she does just want what’s best for you. Maybe it helps you grow into a better character yourself one day.”

“Maybe…” said Kelly, not fully convinced yet.

“So what got you interested in putting on costumes?”

“I don’t know, just kind of seemed cool to me as a kid. I never really understood why everyone else only did it one night a year.”

“I mean, I always try to put one together the day of on Halloween, and I’m guessing that disturbs you a bit.”

“Ohh, you’re just really missing out then. It’s great to find all the right elements and craft things together. Simple trips to Goodwill or Savers almost always end with me getting a new idea. And then you get to just be someone else for a bit.”

“Someone else?” asked Jason.

“Yeah, like I get to suddenly be an interesting warrior protecting their home or an alien making friends or just, something more exciting than basic Kelly.”

“I disagree.”

“With what?”

“You don’t seem basic to me.”

They looked at each other as a moment passed quietly.

“Ahhh, good try with the cheesy pickup line,” said Kelly with a chuckle.

“I mean, I had to try. I’m guessing it didn’t work?”

“I’ve heard worse.”

“Do you get hit on by guys every cruise?”

“Not every, but many. That’s usually why I just stay in my room at night.”

“Why did you come out here tonight instead?”

“Ugh, you’re kind of just forcing me to say it, I guess. I admit that I might have somewhat enjoyed chatting with you a bit earlier despite the weird camera incident.”

“Was that your attempt at a cheesy pickup line?”

“I’m guessing it didn’t work?” replied Kelly, imitating Jason’s voice.

“I’ve heard worse.”

“So, out in the open, I guess, that we’re somewhat intrigued by each other.”

“Does that make this a date then?” asked Jason with a raised eyebrow.

“Hold your horses now,” replied Kelly. “We’ll see how it goes. Is this your biggest flaw? Unable to not debate semantics?”

“Oh, absolutely not. Certainly one of many, but I’d say my biggest flaw is boredom.”

“Wow, jumping right in, huh?”

“Helps us not waste each other’s time, I guess.”

“So you’re saying your flaw is boring others or being bored yourself?”

“Oh shit, I was only thinking about my own boredom, and now I’m worried that I bore others even more,” said Jason, laughing.

“You haven’t bored me yet tonight. 

“Well, good. I just get bored myself sometimes. Like, a video game is really cool for five hours or whatever, and then suddenly I don’t care to keep going. Or I get an hour into a movie and notice that I keep checking the runtime. Phones really have ruined my attention span. At least, that’s what Instagram tells me.”

“How long have you lived alone?”

“I guess only a couple of months now, actually.”

“Did you use to live with a friend or something?”

“People always call them ‘man’s best friend’, so yeah, I guess so.”

“Oh… but now you’re alone?”

“Yes,” Jason let his answer hang for a moment, hoping she’d move on before continuing himself. “He uh, he was old and yeah. It is what it is. Or it’s what it’s. Did you know that technically isn’t ok to say? Like you can only say it’s what it is, but never it is what it’s. I said it once, and an annoying person told me-”

“Hey Chad.”

“What?”

“You’re burying those emotions like we talked about. Who was your best friend?”

“Ahh,” Jason took a moment and inhaled. Kelly could tell he was doing everything he could to not lose control. “His name was Peat. He was a beagle mixed with some breed that was long with a big head. He… he was a good boy.”

Kelly could see Jason’s eyes start to mist up a bit. She reached out and put her hand on his.

“I’m sorry,” she said calmly, “I wish I couldn’t relate. It really is the worst, losing a pet.”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m lucky that I have friends like Greg and David around me who also loved the guy and were nice to me when… when he had to go. But, you know, they can’t exactly fix it. Peat being gone is like a giant sinkhole in the street, but all we can do is put a metal slate over it. There’s just not enough gifts or cards or paintings to fill it back up. Like, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying it’s worse than losing a human you’re close to. It’s not, it’s just… different. Can I trust All Dogs Go to Heaven? Or is it just a fact that I’ll never see him again?”

Jason took a fairly large sip of his mezcal. “Throw another metal slate down, I guess, because I can’t seem to find an alternate route.”

Kelly moved her hand to Jason’s shoulder. “Tell me the worst thing he ever did,” she said.

“What?” asked Jason, confused and suddenly distracted from how hard he was holding back some tears.

“The worst thing he ever did; what was it?”

“Uhh… I guess, huh. Well, I guess one time I went to the bathroom while making a cake, and he ate the entire thing faster than I could pee. So I came back to the kitchen with chocolate all over the place. I was both furious and terrified that the chocolate was going to kill him.” Jason started to chuckle a bit. “But then he just pooped a giant, super chocolaty poop the next morning and never seemed bothered.”

“Time helps.”

“What?”

“You said you were ‘furious and terrified’ that day. But now you’re laughing about it. It doesn’t fix things, but… time helps.”

Jason stared at Kelly’s face for a bit before suddenly noticing that she had her hand on his shoulder. He looked down at it, and she slowly moved that arm to her drink. She picked it up and finished her last sip. Jason took that as a sign to finish his as well, and they experienced a few moments of calm quietness between them.

“Is this what it’s like to go to a therapist?” asked Jason jokingly.

“Hell if I know. I’m not going into some room to lay on a couch unless it’s just for a nap. I don’t want to end up with a Hannibal kind of interrogator.”

“Thank you! I completely agree. I see no benefit. They’ll just keep asking me how it makes me feel, and guess what? I already know how shit makes me feel. My dog dying makes me feel sad. Wow, amazing. Give me a fancy pipe and a framed diploma now because I’m a fucking genius.”

“And don’t forget that you have to pay for it too,” noted Kelly.

“In this economy!?”

“Exactly. I can’t afford it. You know what a cheaper option is? Venti Americanos. Even one of those every day is still much less than one visit with Dr. Freud.”

The bartender noticed that both of their glasses were empty and walked up to them.

“Ahh, here’s the true therapist right here,” said Jason. “I’d love another drink, but maybe this time I’ll switch to a smoky scotch instead. Do you have a simple Ardbeg?”

The bartender nodded and turned around to grab a bottle. He put a new pair of glasses in front of both Jason and Kelly. As he started to lift the bottle, Kelly interrupted him.

“Actually, no, not for me.”

Jason turned to look at her and couldn’t withhold the disappointment on his face. Both he and the bartender stayed silent, waiting for the next move.

“I’d love to go to the deck if you’d join me, Jason.”

A smile grew on Jason’s face as he stepped up from the barstool and said, “Yeah, that’d be great.” He looked at the bartender. “Can we get scotch in to-go cups?”